I got an email this morning...

This morning I got an email from a dear friend of mine who went through her own bout of infertility before she and her husband were blessed with her B/G twins in 2005. It provided excellent information and comforting words for individuals who ave gone through this pain. I liked the fact that it offers "Don'ts" for individuals who have NEVER experienced the pain that infertility brings to a couple month after month, year after year...here's a brief excerpt from the email...read it, take it in, and please, please please...apply this knowledge when and where it counts.

Windows Live Hotmail: "Infertility is, indeed, a very painful struggle. The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he isn't coming back. There is no hope that he will come back from the dead. You must work through the stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on with your life.
The grief of infertility is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they may never know. They grieve the loss of that baby who would have had mommy's nose and daddy's eyes. But, each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news comes again, and the grief washes over the infertile couple anew. This process happens month after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting opened right when it starts to heal."

I couldn't stop nodding me head when I read the email my friend sent me, because I have been told soooooooooooooooooooo many different things pertaining to infertility; "if you relax it'll happen", "go on a vacation", "well, look at the bright side, you can travel", or "maybe it's God's will for you to not have children"...Some of these comments are pretty dumb and I am literally appalled when I hear these words coming out of someones mouth...When I get these comments, just FYI - it DOESN'T make things easier nor does it console or comfort me or my husband...

If you know a couple who is struggling with infertility, read up on it and provide support (even if you don't understand it) to the couple (not just the mommy-wanna-be or the daddy-wanna-be). Infertility is something that is faced by both parties, not just one or the other, and believe you me, it doesn't just affect one person in the relationship. Infertility affects husband and wife pretty equally I'd say. regardless of whether it's male or female factor infertility...daddy-wanna-Be's long to be daddy's and mommy-wanna-Be's long to be mommy's - it's just not happening for them...